An odd title for a blog, but I hope that search engines might throw up the name and link to this so that others may be warned by this tale of woe. I have often dropped into the local store ‘cos they have a wide range of stuff and I can still recommend that if you can SEE it on the shelf buy there. Do not, however, believe them if they say they can ‘get it in for you’.
Last time I went both Debbie and I were mightily impressed with a young staff member, a Scots lad called Peter who was happy and helpful and efficient. I bought some storage boxes and wanted more. He looked on the computer and said they would be delivered ‘tomorrow’ and I ordered and paid up. They said they would call me when they came in.
I was passing the store late the next afternoon and I called in. They had not been delivered. A couple of days went by and the store hadn’t called. We called them and they must have the worst system in the world for stock control. We have called every day since and the staff keep saying that they MIGHT have been delivered and they MIGHT be in their warehouse and they have people trying to find them. As it is now well over a week…. my garage is still a mess and I am thinking thoughts that are not very good about Homebase.
Other than that I went up to Blackpool and did a spot for the Grand Order of Water Rats at the wonderful Opera House. I love working that theatre. Incidentally, when was the last time you went to see a live show in a theatre. I am not talking the raucous scene of a pop concert in a stadium. I cannot recommend a theatre highly enough, large or small.
The following morning I drove across to Wigan to see how the builder was getting on with a house that we have for sale up there. He is doing a good job and having done the tour I drove right across to the other side of the country and went to Middlesbrough. This was really back to my magic roots as I went to visit the Middlesbrough Circle of Magicians. I had a good night there, doing a Q and A session and from the emails I have had, they enjoyed it too. I guess because of 60 years of studying magic books and doing thousands of performances in all kinds of venues, I seem to have acquired a lot of knowledge and was glad to pass on some of it.
Tuesday morning and I woke with a groan as I realised I was faced with a 276 mile drive but, no choice, just get on with it Daniels.
I love coming home and swinging into the driveway always gives me pleasure. I had come through Henley were someone had pranged the traffic lights and they were not working. For the first time there was no traffic jam as the drivers sorted themselves out and the traffic flowed…..
I think I have mentioned before that my Mother has a belief that if you hear something, or see something that is new to you, or that you have not seen for a long time, you will see it again within 24 hours. I was looking through a box in the garage and found a pile of old photos. One woman puzzled me briefly and then I realised it was my Auntie Maureen. She was a great character when she was alive and apparently a great dancer in the theatre, with her own act. Those photos brought back so many memories.
I took Debbie into the Hoxton Hall in the East End of London where she is rehearsing for next weeks new musical Frank’s Closet. After doing a bit of design work for them, I strolled in the glorious sunshine, looking into the little shops. One was a cake shop but I resisted the temptation and had a few gags with a lady behind the counter. She followed me up the street and said in that lovely accent “‘ere, I thought it was you. It is you, innit?” I laughed and said I was definitely me. “Ah, I thought so. Wotcha doin’ rahnd ‘ere?” and I told her about Deb and the theatre. “It’s great to meet you” she said “‘cos your Auntie Maureen sold me this engagement ring…” and she held out her hand.
I have still got the goosebumps that I felt then.

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Well, arguably the world’s most famous pop singer has died of cardiac arrest. Apparently with a heart attack you have a bit of a chance but cardiac arrest means that the ‘pump’ stops…….dead. What a strange life he had, and we will never know how much of it was staged and hyped. It was interesting a couple of years back, talking to people who lived on the same ’street’, how they did not believe that he interfered with children at all. In their words he was incredibly naive, an innocent, and couldn’t see why he shouldn’t play (in the nice sense of the word) with children. Already my inbox is full of jokes about him. That’s always the way.
How the world has changed. Once upon a time we were all like that and could hug kids that were upset and crying, kiss a graze better, and so on. Now the social services scare society to death, and we are all the worse off for it.
Me? I love kids, but I would REALLY punish anyone who ‘interfered’ with them.

Sorry I haven’t been around on here. The press have had a field day dragging old stories up about my family and enticing one of my sons into an exaggerated story. Such a shame and it creates distress amongst us. Fish and chip paper. That’s all they used to be and they ain’t got better.

What have I been up to? I shall mash it all together. Driving? Yes, a lot of that. Two days ago, for example, I drove up to Oxford and recorded a Radio 4 Appeal for Child Brain Injury Trust and then drove into London to advise on the new musical that Debbie has got herself involved in. It’s very camp, deliberately so, and is going on in the wonderful Hoxton Hall in the East End of London. Do you want a Dr. Who experience and go back in time? Go and have a look at Hoxton Hall. It’s a Victorian Music Hall and you just know it hasn’t changed at all from the moment you walk in. I would love to do a magic show in this tiny venue. What a gem. The show, by the way, is called ‘Frank’s Closet’ - I told you it was camp.

Yesterday I drove Debbie into London, then drove up to Epping to record some Wizbit stories. Borders book shops are going to have a series of magic days all over the UK and will be playing me reading the stories over their speaker systems as part of the launch of the new Wizbit books. Justine, who is the publisher, is really working hard on Wizbit and I hope she is successful for her sake.

Somewhere along the way Debbie managed to fit in a lunchtime speech for Rotary and we also had dinner with Bill Mundy and his latest model, Joceline.

In November we will be the ‘faces’ of British Sausage Week, promoting British Pork Sausages and unbelievably the interviews about that have already started!

All the ‘normal’ things of life have gone on, dentists and bonfires and watering gardens and so on. Went to a lovely lunch to celebrate our friends 50th Wedding Anniversary and it was nice to see the great Val Doonican there.

If you are in the Blackpool area on Sunday, do yourself a favour and go and see the Water Rats show at the Opera House. It’s for charity and there will be some good turns on the bill, including me!

Have fun.

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About half an hour ago the swan with her cygnets came back. I cannot tell you the silly happiness I felt at seeing them there. They all vanished a few days ago and I was so sure they were gone the way of Pike or mink. To see them back here is great and I phoned Debbie immediately.
Sorry I can’t include pics in this but every time I have tried I lose the words I have written. Most weird, but then again, I am not having a great time with the internet anyway. Many of you have written to me to say the shop site is not working and believe me, I am well aware of its demise. Apparently the hosts have not backed up, and then lost, all the databases. Brilliant.
So what have I been up to? Funny you should ask that, so I will work backwards this time.
Well, we went to the wonderful annual general meeting of the Hennerton Backwater Gang.. these fantastic people have kept this stretch of river in great condition for the last 11 years. It should be the job of the Environmental Agency, but ask anyone who lives by the river and they will all ask the same question: ‘What the hell do they do?’
After that lovely morning I had to suffer the pain of going with Debbie to Ambers of Amersham to buy a hat for Ascot. Debbie is going to spend the 18th ‘covering’ the event for Radio Berkshire and, of course, it couldn’t JUST be a hat! Oh the pain, the pain.
For the past days I have been watching, listing, and copying VHS tapes of my magic shows onto DVDs. This may sound conceited (I don’t care) but they were very good and those who have viewed them have all passed the comment that they really do stand up against today’s offerings. Nothing to do with the money I might get or any of that, but the BBC really should have repeated them so viewers could be reminded of the incredible acts we had on board.
I went down to Exmouth and did a show and in the audience was the perfect example of why we should NEVER assume that a person in a wheelchair is not ‘all there’. Michael knew more about stuff I had done than even I remember, and asked some great questions. I love doing small venues and it is great to see a couple of new ones have crept into the diary.
On the way down Debbie and I overnighted in Southampton so we could go and enjoy a show in Eastleigh (nice theatre-would love to work there) watching Denis Norden. Go on, spoil yourselves, buy his new book Clips from a Life. He was superb and it was also interesting to see Barry Norman’s daughter, Samantha (?) doing the interviewing. If Denis is on near you, go and enjoy a master wordsmith at work.
Still working backwards amidst the inevitable radio interviews (if only we got paid for those!!!) we went up to Tenbury to do the old Regal Theatre there. If ever you find yourself with time to spare, take a drive along the M5 and turn off for Tenbury. That has got to be the prettiest countryside you will ever see in the UK. Amazing. Pop into the theatre too, and slip back in time. The next morning we drove through the rain to get to a hog roast (swine flu jokes flowed) at Vince Hill’s place. I should include his wife Annie in that, shouldn’t I, seeing as how it was to celebrate their 50th Wedding Anniversary. A good party and the chat was fun.
Oh yes, I did a charity golf event for Ed Stewpot Stewart and they were all very nice to us. Ed was saying he used to get a Million and a Half listeners and the guy they replaced him with only gets half a million ‘but that’s OK ‘cos he is younger!’ Sometimes I just don’t understand the logic.
We also visited the Hibernian Society in Reading. Clubs like this exist up and down the country and I take my hat off to the organisers, cooks, carers and the like. You all work so hard. On behalf of the nation, ‘Thank You’.
That’s about it other than I bobbed into the Magic Circle to do a bit in the Tribute to Ali Bongo night and had a good time.
Up to date, so now I will go back in time again, and watch more old tapes.
Have fun

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After the pleasures of Grantham we tootled home and as Debbie vanished into her office to sort her life out, I put together ideas for the Ali Bongo tribute show at The Magic Circle, recharged the boat, fixed some sprinklers in the garden and so on. It was going to be one of those weeks where we think we have done a lot, then we look around and it all seems the same. I’ll bet you’ve been there too.

So, a bit of writing, a nice visit to the Magic Circle on the Monday and it was good to see old friends and have a great laugh with stories of Ali being the main focus. Oddly, as I also started to copy old VHS cassettes of the PD Magic Shows onto DVDs, Ali popped up again doing his act. No doubt about it, he was funny, but if you look through the eyes of a professional, there were also some clever subtleties in there.

The dentist insisted that I go back to have a filling replaced that I had put in during the early 80s. Why don’t they make these things to last? The date has been set and I have ordered the Valium.

Some chaps drove down from the north to discuss a sort of documentary they want to make with us and if that came off it would be very interesting to do. Fingers crossed on that one. Once again lots of interviews on radio for the upcoming shows in Tenbury (this Friday) and next week in Exmouth. I like Exmouth but I hope the show is really on because they say they don’t sell many tickets in advance now, people just buy tickets on the day. That’s a gamble, isn’t it, because if no-one turns out (the weather can really influence sales) then it’s a long way to go for ‘nowt’, as they say.

Quite excited though because the night before we are going to The Point in Eastleigh to see Denis Norden. I have just finished his book Clips from a Life and it will be great to hear this master writer deliver them in person.

Thank you to the chap who wrote such a nice comment about our trip to Ibiza to do the Thomson Gold hotels. We loved the place.

Sorry Bill, still no news on the Swan front. The swan is still sitting on the eggs. I keep thinking it’s a long time but then I realised that a woman is uncomfortable for a darned site longer!

Have fun.

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So much for my thoughts of having a quiet week. Once again I became a long distance driver. On the other hand there were some really good things happening… Twitter.com became funnier.  I seem to have collected a lot of followers who write the funniest observations to my tweets and I sit and laugh out loud at their jottings.

Some journalists and even ‘normal’ people don’t see the point of Twitter, but as far as I am concerned, it is for the laughter.  If someone is rude, you can merely block them out.

On Sunday 24th Debbie was doing her thing on Radio Berkshire and I was playing the inevitable game of catch up with the post and stuff before taking Deb out on the boat.  What a day.  So hot and sunny, and I ran the boat at a really slow speed to get the effect of just drifting.  Great

Monday dawned with very gray skies and it did not bode well for the Annual Denham Village Fair but we had agreed to go and support The Royal Theatrical Fund stand, which had been organised by our local ‘volunteer in residence’ Robert Lindsay and his lovely partner Rosemary Ford.   I carried my Magic Umbrella, which, to you, might well look like a simple brolly (what happened to the word ‘gamp’?) BUT I know that whenever I carry it, the sun comes out… this gamp has never been wet yet, and once again the sun came out.  What a good day.  This has got to be the best of all Village Fairs and has absolutely everything you could want.

Robert had persuaded most of the cast of My Family to come along and other directors of the Fund, like Sir Donald Sinden, turned up as well. 

Towards the end of a day of playing on various stands, enjoying the Punch and Judy and the brass band, laughing at the kids on the inflatable slides and so on, we all retired to Robert and Rosemary’s beautiful home and enjoyed good company and good food on the lawn.   It doesn’t get any better.

The ‘holiday’ was over on the Tuesday when I had to drive up to Wigan where vandals had destroyed a house that we had almost finished renevating and now we have to start all over again.   Like everyone in such a position I stood and asked ‘why’ and ‘what’s the point’   Bring back the cane and the lash.

Paul Jnr wasn’t very well so I had a meal whilst he watched me!   He tells me he is feeling better now. 

Up early and drove across to see Martin and his family.  They all seemed in fine fettle and Jo was enjoying an easier day than normal as Lewis and Camilla had friends in for a sleep over and they all vanished upstairs.  We adults but the world to rights before I drove home.   Whilst I was doing that Debbie and the Lady Ratlings were enjoying lunch with the Princess Royal, who, according to Deb, gave a very funny speech.  I think Princess Anne is great.

Lots of radio interviews this week to cover the coming shows and the next morning, was it really only yesterday(?), Debbie was standing in for Henry Kelly on Radio Berkshire and straight afterwards we had to drive all the way back up north to do a show in Grantham.  The Guildhall turned out to be a really nice, well run venue with a good, efficient, crew.   It was exactly 30 years ago to the day when I met Debbie, and that is why we drove up together, even though after the show I had to drive back, letting Deb sleep because she was out early again today to cover for Henry Kelly again.

On the road I listed ‘Jobs I Must Do Today’ and blogging was on the list so here I am.  Next… sort out the outdoor wiring, so if you hear a big bang and see a big flash in the sky, it will most likely be me!

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Once again I am playing catch up but I am sure you will forgive me when I tell you what I have been up to…

The blog page went down and it has taken ages for the hosting company to correct the problem. Isn’t it frustrating when ‘control’ is out of your hands?  It also means I have no idea where I was up to in the Life of Daniels because I don’t keep an independent record.  Silly me.

Of course the MPs expense cheating has filled the news, and quite right too.  I believe that ANY MP, irrespective of party, who is proven to have fiddled their expenses, should NEVER be allowed to stand for Parliament again, and if the Lords are proven to have done it, their titles should be removed.   I tell you, when I am King……

We had a very good meeting with the writer/producer of the new musical (Frank’s Closet) and I advised on special effects and ‘helped’ with a few thoughts on direction.  One has to be careful ‘cos one does not wish to upset the official director.   During the meeting Debbie agreed to help by being one of the Gaiety Girls in the show, which, by the way, is wonderfully camp.  I look forward to seeing it staged in Hoxton Hall.  Google that and go back in time.

Debbie and I tootled off to the Magic Circle to spend a full day shooting a series of quiz questions for the This Morning programme on TV.  It’s a great building to mooch around in and brings back so many memories for me when I look at the posters and the museum sections.   The only problem was that we had to be up VERY early to get there.

It was even a greater struggle the next morning to be up to get to Heathrow and I flew off to New York.   British Airways were brilliant and I was mightily impressed with the food.  On long haul flights I always go Club Class for comfort, not First Class which I still think is a rip off on ALL airlines.

The day after I landed I spent all day in a theatre waiting to rehearse the show, when it started, seemed to go on forever.  It was for the Society of American Magicians 100^th Anniversary and I think they could well have done without showing all the videos between the acts.  Good to see old friends on the bill and we had great chat backstage.

On the Sunday, which was the next day, I talked my way through a Masterclass in the Fantasma Magic Shop.  The audience did seem to enjoy and learn and they asked some great questions. Based on the questions I knew they were not amateurs, and so if they read this, thank you for the compliment you paid me by coming along.

Up at 5 to get to the airport to fly back to the UK, unpack, repack, glimpse at emails and then up early (and by that I mean 0200hrs) to be driven to Gatwick to fly to Ibiza.

We are here to perform three hotel shows for Thomson Holidays Gold.  It’s a VERY long time since I did a Thomsons and certainly in the Gold hotels they have upped their quality.   The ‘image’ of Ibiza is sadly one of drunken orgies, but we are in the Panorama hotel in a quiet bay with good food.  Sure, there are SOME strange sights walking around but the vast majority of folks are nice and friendly.  Deb and I wouldn’t mind coming back here for a week’s break at all.

Looking at the diary the weeks ahead do seem to be a bit more settled.  We shall see!

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