As it says in the title, this is a beautiful Sunday. ‘Tis morning and Debbie has gone off to do her stint on Radio Berkshire.  Me?  I am doing the Blog.  Guilt reigns once again as I realise how much time has gone by since the last one.  When I left you I was off to Swanage to do a show.  What a nice place.   I must go back there at least for a long weekend.

I had heard that the theatre wasn’t selling well.  This sometimes happens so I sent Gary down there to do a survey for me.  Only 25% of the people he talked to knew the show was on.  It does make you wonder whether some theatre managers/publicity people should be taking a strong look at whether they are reaching the public in their areas.    As it turned out the show went well and the people Debbie and I met in the town were very nice to us.

On the Monday I had a nice business meeting with some agents to discuss a corporate job I’ll be doing soon in Zurich.  It sounds very posh, doesn’t it, when I say I took them to my club for lunch?  Phyllis Court in Henley IS posh, so I can say that with conviction.   As soon as that was over it was a case of trying to find all the suitable props and chat and pull it all together.  I did a countdown of days to go on my diary, took a look at it, and started to work faster.

Tues, 22Feb and I was being interviewed by Eastern Daily press to promote the upcoming show in Norwich and that night had dinner with Michael Black and his wife, Julie Rogers.  She’s a GREAT cook.  Have a look for her on YouTube… Great singer too!

Picked up the next day to do Radio 5 Live, The Guardian and Live from Studio Five TV show.  They were all interviews about the Best of British Variety Show.  I did this show a couple of years ago and it was one of the best things I have ever done in show business.   I am really looking forward to it again this year.

Robert Llewellyn drove his Prius into the driveway the next morning and off we went driving around the area whilst he interviewed me.  This channel he has created on the internet is great fun and we laughed just about all the way.  I’ll be ‘on’ in a couple of weeks time he tells me but in the meantime have a look at his other interviews on www.llewtube.com.   ANOTHER interview that evening and this one was a bit different in that it was a radio connection with New Zealand.  I’ll be there later in the year.

By now, dear Reader, you will have realised that doing the shows themselves is a small part of what I do.  They ALL have to be ‘advertised’ over and over again in an attempt to let the world know you’re on the way.

Soon Debbie and I were on the way north where we managed to fit in a great time with Lewis and Camilla and Jo, their mother.  They are my wonderful grandchildren and I love ‘em to death.

The Delmont Hotel in Scarborough do ‘cabaret weekends’ and what an easy job to an easy crowd of holidaymakers.  We really didn’t want to leave the next morning but we had to and it was a very long drive home.

The good news came a couple of days later when it was declared that my angiogram had all repaired itself and that I didn’t have any angina and all was well.   This kind of news really picks you up and does you good.

Then I was faced with yet another long drive as I set off to do a show in the heart of Norwich at the Maddermarket Theatre.  Despite hearing Gordon Brown using a careful choice of words to avoid telling the truth, I felt great, and had one of the best of shows.   Great fun in a great little theatre.

Up early and off to the shop we have in Wigan, run by my son, Paul.  Les turned up and started to fix the lights so now the shop is not only doing well, it’s cleaner, better organised and better lit.  Mostly it deals in Fancy Dress costumes, but it carries a bit of magic.

Incidentally, if you can’t sing or dance or tell jokes, magic is not a bad way to come out of your shell at parties and there is large range of beginners’ magic.  Have a look at the link on the home page of this site to the magic shop and have a go.  Learn the tricks s l o w l y and you’ll have a great time.

Spring came and Debbie decided to redecorate.  I tried getting out and about, as you have just read, I tried hiding, all to no avail.  Now I must finish these jottings and put all the tools and piles of rubbish away before ‘er indoors’ comes home again.    I hope you are all having a good day.

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Just back from Amsterdam where Debbie and I had a great couple of days walking walking walking and also seeing a fabulous show headlined by Voronin, a Ukrainian magician, mime, and all round funny guy.  We have known him 20 years and he just gets better and better.

This latest production was in a Spiegeltent and was non stop including dinner for about 4 hours.  Great fun.

Amsterdam was amazing and I had forgotten how good it was.  So much of it was built between 1650 and 1700 and it doesn’t look antique at all.  The canals (which were partly frozen over) make the place look very picturesque and I couldn’t help wondering, as the whole country is below sea level, why it doesn’t flood as often as we do.

Whilst we were over there they released the publicity about the coming Autumn Best of British Variety tour.  I did this a couple of years ago and it was one of the best times of my life, working with professionals who had honed their skills over many years and the packed audiences got tremendous value for money.  Mostly based on comedy, it was great to hear full theatres, young and old, roaring with laughter.  Book early I say.

Of course, because the media selectively printed what I wrote about Blackpool, and because we are going to do shows in Blackpool, they regurgitated all that in an attempt, I suppose, to kill the show.   Let’s put the record straight here and try to get it right.

Blackpool is brash, bawdy, in places tasteless, AND I LOVE ALL THAT.   Perhaps I should have written ‘wonderfully brash, wonderfully bawdy’ because it IS.  That’s the FUN of Blackpool.   I love Blackpool.  What I did write about it was an attempt to make the Councillors aware of something that they probably have not noticed because I can’t imagine they are in the ‘tourist area’ at night where the litter is everywhere, and piled up!   I was reminded of this when we were in Amsterdam and the mobile vacuum machines were working all the time together with men with ‘leaf blowers’ blowing the trash towards the machines.

The other thing that I thought could improve things for the families who want to visit is to bring in either more police onto the streets at night, or those civilians in uniform who keep order.   I remember being mightily impressed in Peterborough where such a force kept the drunken (mostly young) from drinking on the streets (it’s forbidden there) and pouring their bottles of booze down the drains.

One more thing before I leave this subject forever… Thank you to all those who live in Blackpool particularly, but also all those who had visited the Capital of Fun, for your emails and tweets agreeing with me in asking for action on these two points.   Only three people said I was wrong.

The sun is shining and it looks like we will have a nice trip down to Swanage where I have to do a show tonight.   Don’t forget Debbie is on Radio Berkshire every Sunday morning and you can hear her on the computer iplayer system.

Have fun

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I know, I know, I am supposed to be taking it easy but there are certain things that a man must do, like ignore doctors, but not nurses, so I get involved with stuff.   Like in the song… I am a guy who can’t say ‘no’.

After we got home from doing the Mazuma advert I did have a couple of days off, just doing the odd radio and newspaper interview and trying to tell BT how to do its job.   Since we fitted a BT Home Hub the phone has been squeaking all the time.   I thought they said it was ‘cheap’ not ‘cheep’.   They say it’s our security system but if that is so how come the dickie bird stops when I unplug the Hub?  Grrrrrr

I went into London to record a mad bit of business for Harry Hill’s TV Burp.  I love this programme and the way he takes the mickey out of the week’s TV.   In this sketch I was an alien coming out of a sheared sheep.  Probably the first time in history we saw a real wolf (me) in sheep’s clothing.

At last we were allowed to publish the dates for the Best of British Variety tour that I will be doing in August and September.  I really enjoyed doing this show two years ago and I am really looking forward to doing it again.

Yesterday we went off to Moor Park Golf Club to film a crazy sketch for Sport Relief with the cast of Ashes to Ashes and a load of sportsmen and celebs.  Even Michael Parkinson was there, hardly recognisable in a black wig.  Why?  ’Cos if you know Ashes to Ashes we had to go back in time to the 80s.  A long day messing about in freezing temperatures and falling snow, but well worth it to see all these geniuses again.

I did laugh seeing on the news this morning that Gordon Brown has started eating loads of bananas.  I though he already was bananas.

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I had been booked into the Elgiva Theatre in Chesham for some time so I did my best to time medical stuff so I would be OK to do the show.   Debbie insisted I take someone with me in case I wasn’t very well.  I felt fine but I knew Deb would be down in Devon doing an appearance.   Kanna from our village said he would come with me and we had a ‘boy’s night out’ at this lovely theatre.    It all worked out well with a great crew and a great audience.   Mind you, after a couple of hours prancing around on stage my groin was letting me know enough was enough.

I take it easy most days but on Sunday we had to go up to Sheffield ready for a very early start on the Monday.   Up at 6am and on the set at 7 to shoot all day in the tiny Lantern Theatre.  When you watch a TV commercial try to watch it through our eyes.  Time how short the individual shots run for, and then think that they are shot over and over again from every angle.  Lordy Lordy Lordy what a long day that makes to create 30 seconds.  Watch out for Mazuma adverts towards the end of this month.

Apart from continuing on eBay bits and bobs I have been trying to take it easy, but I feel that I am more than well on the way to recovery, if not already there.

Martin, sadly still away on a ship somewhere, sent me this… everybody should be made aware of this…

How  many zeros in a billion?

The  next time you hear a politician use the word ‘billion’ in a casual  manner, think about whether you want the ‘politicians’ spending YOUR tax money.

A billion is a difficult number to comprehend, but one advertising agency did a good job of putting that figure into some perspective in one of its releases.  Absorb every detail of what follows:

A. A billion seconds ago it was 1959.

B. A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive.

C. A billion hours ago our ancestors were living in the Stone Age.

D. A billion days ago no-one walked on the earth on two feet.

E. BUT at the rate our government is spending it a billion UK Pounds ago was ONLY 13 HOURS AND 12 MINUTES.

Let’s consider Taxes:

Building  Permit Tax, Cigarette Tax, Corporate  Income Tax, Income Tax, Unemployment Tax, Fishing License Tax, Food License Tax, Fuel Permit Tax, Petrol/Diesel Tax, Hunting License Tax, Inheritance Tax, Inventory Tax (tax on top of tax), Liquor Tax, Luxury Tax, Marriage  License Tax, Property Tax, Real Estate Tax, Service charge taxes, Social Security Tax, Road  Usage Tax, Local  Tax, Vehicle License Registration Tax, Vehicle Sales Tax, Workers Compensation Tax, Value Added Tax, Pension Tax

Not  one of these taxes existed 100 years ago… And our nation was one of the most prosperous in the world.

We had absolutely no national  debt… We had the largest middle class in the world…
And  Mum stayed at home to raise the family.

What happened?
Can you spell ‘politicians?’!!

Who gave them the right?

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Me again.   I thought I had best update the situation.  As I wrote, the angiogram went well but I did have a problem the night of the op.  I woke up with a huge lump in the groin where the plug had leaked and I was back in the hospital immediately.  Apparently in trying to get up I’d overdone something and passed out.  Debbie tells me I was flat on my back with three young women groping about in my groin.   It will now be a lifelong regret that I missed all the fun.

Whatever they did, they released me about 3.30 in the morning and Deb brought me home again.  Ever since I have forced myself to take life easily, avoiding all forms of exercise.  As I have always done that, nothing changes.   The lump gradually subsided and was replaced by a large area of bruising.  That is totally normal and now it is fading away.   Two days ago I started to feel my old self again, but the vicar says I mustn’t.

Debbie and I went to see the Village Panto, always a fun night out but this year it was truly exceptional.  My hat is not only off to them, it is thrown into the air at how much fun they created that night.

What else?  Well, the house is now networked computer wise which should make things like the diary more efficient.  I have kept popping stuff onto ebay, but today it won’t let me put any postages on, and then won’t let me proceed because I haven’t put the postage on!  Isn’t technology wonderful?

Debbie’s family came round and I worked on an old photo of Debbie’s Dad and Grandad, removing all the scratches and blemishes. Deb’s Dad was over the moon at the result.  What a good boy I am.

I have a show to do on the 28th at the Elgiva theatre in Chesham so I will have to get the props back into order for that.   Other than that I will continue to be frustrated by politicians spending all their time slagging each other off instead of running our business….

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I know it’s a funny title for a blog, but I felt that there must be lots of people out there who might be afraid when they hear they have to have one.

As I had a ‘funny turn’ just before the end of the year, the medical geniuses decided I should have a full MOT. Of course, being the big brave butch hero that I am, I immediately knew I was going to die and planned accordingly.   Debbie, higgerant of my inner feelings, carried on in her normally cheerful happy state whilst brave me protected her from the impending doom and gloom.

I read all the pamphlets and the internet articles but none of that really told me what it would feel like and I pondered upon whether I would be crying screaming and yelling and, therefore, ruining my image of macho man.

The day drew near and Mother Nature smiled at me, threw down tons of snow, and the hospital closed except for emergencies.   Was this a sign?     The operation was delayed for 7 days and despite my prayers, there wasn’t enough snow to keep it closed for another week.   Debbie drove me in to the Royal Berkshire and was asked to go away whilst they prepared me.   Bravely I joked but I suspect my knocking knees gave me away.   It’s a local anaesthetic.  What?  I wanted the lot.  I did not want to be awake for this thingy, whatever it was.  OK, the doctors and nurses were all VERY positive and cheerful and efficient but of course, I knew this was just a cover up for my benefit.

8am I went in on the morning and all too soon (for me) I was sitting outside the theatre waiting to go ‘onstage’.   I have to say that when I went in I was extremely impressed with the efficiency of the team.  My groin area was sploshed with Iodine and a very unnecessary oversized sanitary towel placed over my private parts for modesty.   Unnecessary?  Of course, these people must see hundreds of willies every day, and mine, shrinking and trying to get back into my body to protect itself, certainly didn’t need the oversized towel.

The machinery swings around you and there is a bit of pain, but no more than when you give a blood sample or have an injections.   Grit your teeth and concentrate on thinking about one of the nurses and you are fine.  I never felt the tube being pushed in much at all so the heat of the fluid coursing around my veins came as a bit of surprise.  This ‘heat’ does not hurt, it’s just strange, and it ‘kicks’ into different areas, not just around the heart where they are checking to see if any of your tubes have closed up at all.

In about 20 minutes it was all over and in my case my tubes were declared to be good and I did not have angina.  Apparently, if they had found a narrowing, they would have fitted a stent at the same time, which would have been another 30 minutes at most.

Then you have to lay down for half an hour, sit up for half an hour and then shuffle to the toilet and back.   The doctor/surgeon had put a plug into the entry hole he had made to seal it off and I was declared well enough to go home at quarter to twelve.    I was told to spend a lot of time laid down, not to lift anything heavier than a cup of tea, and what to do if my groin swelled up.

As I said, I was really impressed by the team, and by the team that took me back in and dealt with me ‘just in case’ when it did swell up later that night.   Thank you Royal Berkshire Hospital.

So, if you are going in for an angiogram, it will feel VERY strange, but you will be fine.

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Yup, I consider myself to be a lucky guy and I am not talking about the fabulous career I have had and continue to have.  I worked hard for that.   Nope, I am talking about the army of family, friends, acquaintances, fans and collected audiences that have sent me good wishes in general and in particular for my health.   Your messages cheered me up no end and boosted me along the way.   I cannot possibly thank you enough and will now stop this before I burst into tears…. and so will you!

There’s nowt much to report in the way of news.   I think by now the world knows we have been enjoying wonderful snowscapes.  

Whilst stunningly beautiful and fascinating it also caused some inconveniences and sad deaths where people walked on lakes and went through the ice.   Not me.  Our creek has frozen over but I am definitely not going to try that one.

So all I have done is play, really.  I couldn’t get into the hospital for my second check-up. That will happen next week with luck.   By using driving techniques that I learnt in the north in my youth, I have been able to drive CAREFULLY on the ungritted frozen roads.    I remember one hill in the north where the roads authority took the trouble to put under-surface heating into it and when it got down to near freezing it switched itself on and the ice disappeared.     I also got to thinking about those huge machines that burn the tarmac surface off as they slowly trundle along doing road repairs.   Surely a smaller version of that moving around the borough could get rid of a lot of ice?

As I type there is a brightly coloured pheasant strutting across the snow.  I wish I had a longer lens on the camera, but this one will just have to live in my memory.

So, apart from putting stuff on ebay and doing jigsaws, life has ground to a halt.  Perhaps that is for the better and allowed me to have time to plan the coming year.

Let’s all hope we have a good ‘un

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It is the 31st of December 2009 and I say farewell to this year with VERY mixed feelings.  Overall it has not been bad at all really.  Business could have been better but Government and local Councils conspire against us to prevent us being successful so I don’t take it personally.

Family and friends have been good to be with and my close family are all well, which is after all the most important thing of all.

Fans and followers on Twitter have been so supportive and SO funny; I have preferred reading their comments to watching TV.

Our Christmas was really good, although I miss seeing Paul Jnr over that period, he is always busy running the shop in Wigan.  I managed to get to see him just before the season started proper and that was good to do, but it’s never quite the same.   We went to lunch with Mam and ‘Pad’ and Sue who were stuck in the south doing pantomime, after a night at Deb’s Mam and Dad’s place.  Then it seemed to be quite a round of family and friends dropping in, swapping gifts and playing games.

And so the festivities went on and all was well, until yesterday morning that is, when I awoke at about 6.30 to find that I had a pain in my chest.  You read about these things of course, so the first thought was ‘Is this what a heart attack feels like?’   I guess you don’t know unless you’ve had one.   I didn’t feel anything odd anywhere else, like in arms and stuff, so I waited until 8a.m. before calling the local surgery who said they could fit me in about 10.30.  I thought that might be a bit too late, because, being a man, I already knew I was at death’s door, so they changed it to 0850.   I snuck out of the house and went to see the doctor.

Blimey, after some questions I was put into the nurse’s room for the same questions and tests and suddenly I am in the back of an ambulance.  I answered the same questions again and was given the same tests again, I worked out, therefore, that the medics don’t trust each other.   Perhaps it is standard procedure to lose personal medical records and they want to guarantee that at least one of them will do that.

I must say that the doctor, the nurse and the ambulance crew were all brilliant and I was in the Royal Berkshire in no time at all, where………………….. I answered the same questions several times and had the same tests several times and then worked out that perhaps it was ME they didn’t trust.   By now Debbie had joined me and sat watching it all happening.  By now of course I was bored so started to create comic answers to the questions and Debbie kept on ruining that by telling them the truth.   I was connected up to loads of gadgets and now I knew it was really serious because I know how painful it is to pull them damn sticky pads off again.  I have a hairy chest!

Blood tests, ECGs, pills, needles went on and on.  I wasn’t allowed to go to the loo so they gave me one of those funny shaped boxes to wee into.  As the nurse took it I wished her A Pee New Year.  She didn’t laugh.

They scanned my heart and showed me the scan pictures. Ah… it wasn’t a heart attack…. I was pregnant, well, that’s what it looked like.

It turned out my heart is slightly enlarged.  Big Hearted Daniels that’s me, and now they want to me to have my arteries checked to see if there is any blocking ‘cos the scan doesn’t show that stuff.   They have told me that they will give me a local anaesthetic and go in my groin to check for angina because they are still not sure whether it is a heart problem or the coq au vin from the night before.  Unfortunately the waiting area was a bit noisy and for a while I thought they were going to operate on my groin and give me a vagina.  Work out for yourself what I did with a van and the coq….

What a start to my new year that would have been!

The good news is that I didn’t have a heart attack.  Lucky me.

May you All have the best of years in 2010.  Thank you for reading.  HAPPY NEW YEAR

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I write this on a VERY bright Sunday morning.  It’s quite dazzling as the rays bounce into the lounge off the snow.   Some complain but I think it’s lovely.   Debbie is burbling away on the radio, or at least she was until the signal went on my computer… and as I typed that the sound came back.  Typical.

Being off for the holiday means that I have been to things I normally miss and for the first time for a couple of years we have a nice tree and all the cards on display.   We went to a nice Rotary evening, friends are dropping in all the time, we watched Chris win on Strictly Come Dancing and I drove 320 miles on Friday to see Paul in Wigan.

Of course Mother Nature knew I had to do that so the night before she threw a lot of snow and ice down to slow me up.  It boggles me every time it snows and the world comes to a standstill.  All I do is drive well back from the other vehicles in case of black ice that I can’t see and get on with living.

I had a nice ‘job’ the other day, although it can’t really be called a job.  I made a surprise appearance at the wedding of a magician and his assistant, and I mean SURPRISE.  The Best Man had organised it and it was a pleasure to be there.

As I said on Twitter, a BIG thank you to Mam’s neighbours who cleared the snow away and lots of other bits.

Just in case, ‘cos I never know what I am up to, may I wish you all a VERY Merry Christmas and a Happy and Peaceful New Year.

Tons of Love as we come to the end of my 60th year in Magic.

Ho Ho Ho

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It’s nearly Christmas everyone.  I’m sure you haven’t noticed.  This year, because we don’t have to rehearse or perform in pantomime, we are way ahead.   The tree is up, my ‘toys’ are dotted around the house.  By that I mean Santa’s workshop and other automata are whirring away.  We even bought one of those large inflatable balls with Father Christmas and a snowman inside AND it’s snowing in there.   You might have guessed from this that WE LOVE CHRISTMAS.

The morning news is on as I write this and they are promoting that we wrap our presents in newspaper.  What nonsense.  I am against anything that gives the press barons more money AND I love the colourful wrapping paper that helps to create the Christmas spirit.  

This season has started well for us.  We went to the over 70s Christmas Party that the Mayor of Henley organises and enjoyed the singing and the sketches.  Even the Mayor sang (very well) and I know Vince Hill turned up just as we left.   The day after that we had lunch with the team that promotes the British Sausage Week.  Really good to see them all again and then we just made it in time to the fund raising concert by Vince Hill at the Kenton Theatre in Henley.  It’s no good me telling me you how good he was; you should have been there!   What a good night we all had and then we nipped up to Luscombes restaurant just outside Henley.   In all that’s what I call a good day.

What else has been going off?  Well, Gordon Brown was slagging off Cameron because the latter went to Eton.  I heard it whilst driving along and wondered why he had no real ‘business for the country’ to deal with and was wasting his time being a silly little boy.

Then he’s gone off to deal with the environment, the great puzzle of the age, because some of us believe we can make a difference and some of us think it is all nonsense and Mother Nature deals with it anyway.  Oh yes, I LOVED him promising 1.5 billion pounds to other countries.  I suppose he will have to borrow that first…

Still, it’s OK now ‘cos he has spent a night in Afghanistan… Forgive my belief that it was more for publicity than practicality.

AND there’s poor old Tiger Woods and the way the virginal media have dealt with his problems.  Every few weeks will find me screaming at the media that what ‘celebrities’, sportsmen, vicars, members of governments do in the private lives, and is legal, has NOTHING to do with us.  Those of us who have lived full and happy lives know full well that you hit valleys in your life, that we ALL make mistakes of judgement or whatever.   WHO THE HELL CARES?  Enough.

One final note to the BBC.  I am sick of seeing the losing couples repeated and repeated and repeated doing, obviously, the same routines in the same frocks and saying the same answers to the same questions. Just do Strictly and leave it alone.

And now… more wrapping.  Ho Ho Ho

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