New comment on your post #255 “Home again Home again Jiggety Jog” Author : daleshrimpton (IP: 130.119.248.41 , 130.119.248.41) E-mail : daleshrimp@hotmail.com URL : Whois : http://ws.arin.net/cgi-bin/whois.pl?queryinput=130.119.248.41 Comment: Ah last night gags.I have an understanding with any guys i work with on panto. They dont pull any gags on me, but i help them pull gags on others. Only because quite often they go one step to far, and spoil the show for the punters, who have paid to see the same show as everybody else. the 3 stage weights in a wheel barrow was rather good.they were hiden inside a huge fake cake, that id made.Twankees face was a picture. oh, and one year, we hid mobile phones inside some fake present boxes.when the king and queen started to sing happy birthday to sleeping beauty, we rang them and the gifts silently started to vibrate..Happy days.
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The sun is shining after a morning of freezing cold and falling snow.   I am home and now I only have this week to sort out a month’s bills, emails, letters, calls and so on.   The pantomime finished last night and we drove home straight after the last show and got home about 2a.m. Ending a run of shows is always a bitter sweet experience and this one was more so than normal.   The cast was great and the show literally flew along.  We spent most evenings in laughter both on and off stage.   The last night of a show is usually dotted throughout with jokes pulled at the expense of the actors.  I pulled a few myself, like writing naughty words on the back of the restored torn invitation to the Ball so that only Cinderella could see them.  She laughed but the audience thought it was because the ‘restoration’ was a mess.
The Prince and the keyboard player had both, that day, ran into the North Sea for a dip.   Not a very long dip!   When the Prince came onstage the Baron, me, detected, apparently, a strong smell of seaweed!!!
At the end a representative of the Production company and the manager of the theatre came on stage and both were very complimentary.   Box office records had been broken - that always makes them happy.
So now, despite it being so very cold (Bridlington was warmer) I must unload the car which is full of all bits and pieces, clothing and props.   After that I will put my feet up and have a night o f doing nothing.

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As I write it is the last evening of 2008 and Debbie and I are going to spend it in our hotel room at Rags in Bridlington.   Dinner will be served in the room and we are heading for a quiet night.   We had a party last night for the cast and crew and that was a lot of fun.  Only one of ‘the gang’ couldn’t make it, shame, and between courses I did a sort of broken up cabaret, showing them what I do for a living when I am not wearing wigs, hats and strange costumes.  They all seemed to enjoy it and I enjoyed watching the jaws dropping as the impossible became reality.

The manager of the theatre told us that the box office figures are the highest they have ever had and I am glad they are happy with the returns.  Apparently 1 in 4 of the population of the town have been to see the show, which is very good.

Yesterday afternoon a call came through the dressing room speakers: Paul on Stage.  This was an emergency call that I had agreed on with the Stage Manager and it meant that something was wrong with the production.   In this instance the sound system had gone off and I walked on stage in the ballroom scene, and informed Prince Charming that I was to have the honour of being the cabaret…

Using one of the junior dancers, dressed as a Page Boy, I did my Linking Rings routine, projecting my voice as best I could, and filled in whilst they tried to fix the system.  I ended it and not long afterwards all was well again.   Live theatre is SO much better than TV, for the performers AND for the audience.  Do yourselves a favour, go and book a live show ASAP.

Quite a few people have asked me to describe what goes on backstage but I will save that for another blog because I know you all want to dash out and imbibe at your own celebrations.   From me, and from Debbie, thank you for being such good friends and fans. We wish you all the Most Happy New Year Ever.

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It is Christmas Eve and I am not facing hundreds of kids shouting ‘Oh Yes It Is’.  I am sitting in the lounge, at home, the TV is on without sound and Debbie is somewhere on the M25. After the second show last night which once again went with all the hysterical laughter and yelling from the audience, and the cast, we bundled into the car and drove the four and a half hours home.   How wonderful, truly wonderful, to be in your own bathroom and then your own bed.  There is no place like home.  Dorothy was right.   Unfortunately the shows and the driving and the constant ‘high’ meant that I couldn’t get to sleep until 3.30a.m.

 

Ho Ho Ho… up and sorting early this morning, washing machine going full blast and dozens of cards to read.   Postmen delivered parcels and I even found the pack of cards gag I ordered for the pantomime.   It had been sent to my home instead of the theatre.  That will definitely be in the show on Boxing Day.

 

Deb nipped off to visit her parents and I went to pick up a couple of last minute bits and bobs in Henley.   Soon she will be home and we will be repacking and going to the Complete Angler in Marlow for the night.   This is becoming a tradition with us when we are doing pantomimes and they do great food.

 

Tomorrow we will take my Mother out for lunch and then on to Debbie’s sister’s home for afternoon tea before heading north again to return to Bridlington.

 

It’s Christmas.  I have phoned everyone I can get hold off but I miss my family big time.   I know how difficult it is for us to all see each other at this time of the year.  Paul phoned and despite all the bad news on the TV the Wigan shop has had its best day of trading to date.  Martin is doing great in his pantomime and Gary has spent all day teaching people to get fit and his classes start again early on Boxing Day so he is going to his Mother’s for Christmas Day.

I don’t intend to do much, if anything, on a computer tomorrow, so right now, to all the readers of this scribbling, may I wish you a Very Merry Christmas and happiness for many days to come.

This blog is sent with Love.

Paul

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Amazingly, despite only having two stagehands and practically no technical or actors on stage time, on Monday we did the first show of the pantomime, and the audience loved it.    Little did they know we were ‘flying blind’?   The Stage Manager had one back up system.  If anything stopped the flow of the show she had to call ‘Paul Go’ into the intercom and I would get on and ad lib until we had a clearance.  I wasn’t needed but some of us had to constantly check the wings to make sure, for example, that the Ugly Sisters had managed to do their quick change in time.

 

Here’s a show business tip if you are thinking of doing pantomime.  Don’t volunteer to do Ugly Sister or Dame.   Too many costume changes, in fact costume changes for every scene.  How those guys do it I don’t know, but they do. For just about all of those early days we were in the theatre by 0900hrs and leaving sometimes at 2300hrs.   Long days.

 

The shows were all full of children in school parties. They screamed and yelled in all the right places and the teachers and adults with them joined in.  It is wonderful to get that much of a reaction to any theatrical experience.  I love it, and so do all those who create this first visit to the theatre for so many kids. Then, wham, we had to do a show with no children AT ALL.  The theatre only had 30 adults in and they were dotted about the auditorium and refused to sit together down front.   Somehow it didn’t matter.   We made ‘em laugh and we all had a good time. Pantomime is such a good party.

 

Straight after that show, which was an afternoon matinee, I drove Debbie right across the country and had dinner with my son, Paul, in Wigan.   He was in a good mood having just sold his first 680 UK pounds fancy dress costume.   The next morning he dressed up in it to show us and it is quite a rig, and very heavy.  It is Batman and very well made.

 

Christmas presents delivered to his shop and we drove to Stockport to watch Martin playing Buttons in pantomime.  Yes, it was another Cinderella and it had great scenery and a good cast.  Martin, as usual, was hysterically funny and we enjoyed the show.   The Plaza was built in 1932 as a cinema and the auditorium is AMAZING            .  It even has a Compton theatre organ that rises out of the pit and plays before the show and during the interval. Simply great.

After the show we had a meal with Martin and then I drove back cross country to Bridlington again.   Tomorrow night we will take on the show again. 

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After a rather sleepless night, broken by thinking about pantomime routines, new ways to do stuff, lines for me and others, as well as bad dreams, I had a pretty good breakfast.  The chef had made some whisky marmalade and I loved it.   The darts players in the hotel had been replaced by women having a conference on forced marriages and violence.   I suggested that men had been forced into marriage for years - it didn’t go well. My real thoughts?  Well, I simply don’t care what your religious leaders say, if you come to live in the UK, then the civil laws of the UK should be obeyed.   That applies if I go abroad - I have to obey the laws of the country I am in.   I have never understood why any man can have more than one wife in the UK, when we have bigamy laws.  We have laws against forced marriages, don’t we?
Off to work again, we start at 10 and once again start to go through every line and action for hour after hour.  In between my scenes I went and watched the scenery and props being erected on stage.   It is amazing how differently it will all look when the lights go on and it is interesting how someone has pulled all the flats, cloths and props together.
I ordered a mask and some rope from my own shops and they will be with me by the end of the week to enhance what I will get up to on stage.
This will be the pattern of life for the next few days and the costumes will be made to fit and we will start to work with them on.  It makes a big difference to your body language.
Other than that the days will now merge into one until we get to the dress rehearsals followed by the first show.  Wish us luck!

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Panto Day One

 

Yesterday was another long driving day as we loaded the car until it seemed there was nothing left in the house and set off for Martin’s house near Doncaster.  He and Jo live in a great village that celebrates Christmas in a real family way.   After it got dark we all walked around to the local school where they were handing out those glo sticks that you see at concerts.  Thanks to the Lions Charity Father Christmas appeared on a float being pulled by a 4 x 4 and we all lined up behind him for a parade through the main street.   As we went past houses they switched on their Christmas lights and joined in the parade.   By the time we got to the village pond just about everyone who lived in the village seemed to have joined in and the order of the day was hot dogs, burgers, mulled wine and a brass band on another, much bigger, decorated float.

Father Christmas led the countdown and the lights on the big tree on the other side of the pond were switched on and as the fireworks went off Father Christmas disappeared.

The Daniels family, with some friends, all trooped off to Jackie and Mal’s for Balti by Mal and, sadly, we had to watch the ‘Celebrities’ in the ‘Jungle’.  I found that absolutely revolting and quite disgusting.  They must be very desperate to do that show and those tasks.

We left, got on the road to Bridlington, and checked into our hotel.   The hotel is right on the harbour and we awoke on Day One to sunshine side lighting all the little boats.  What a beautiful spot and Debbie loves it.

At the theatre, which has recently been refurbished at a cost of tens of millions, we found we couldn’t get in.   Some Darts Championship is on in the ballroom.   We tried to find a stage door, but whoever refurbished the place, forgot to put one into the design AND managed to turn the old staircase shortcut to the front into a brick wall garden.   The way to the front from where you can park is now a very long way, particularly if you are a woman protecting your hair and makeup in the pouring rain.

Day one is the meet and greet and start to work your way through the script.

It’s a good gang and we have already had a lot of laughs.   This is going to be a good panto.

 

Panto Day Two

 

Another beautiful day and I mean it, really good.   More changing words and routines of course, and today off loading props, costumes and all that jazz, into the dressing rooms.

During the lunch break I wandered into the Darts hall.   They all sit there, cheering and waving their heroes but I noticed that most of them can’t see the board because it is so tiny and so far away.   They all watch the big screens.   They all pay 25 pounds a ticket for something they can see on a=2 0screen at home!   I went back to pantomime practice.

All the costumes had to be tried and of course, same as every year, nothing fits, hats are too big/too small and the biggest problem in this refurbished theatre is that the dressing rooms don’t have anywhere to hang clothing.  You would think that the description, ‘dressing’ rooms, might have given the designer a clue!   We are going to have to get some portable rails from somewhere, and they will take up most of the space in the room.   Yet again I ponder upon why architects build their dreams and don’t consult those who have to work inside what should be extremely practical spaces.

Debbie and I are sharing a dressing room and it has an en-suite toilet and shower.  The windows to the dressing room and to the toilet are mildly rippled.  Every householder in the land knows that at night these become easy to see through, but there are no blinds or curtains.   Also, under the new laws, the space outside our rooms is where the smokers go and if you open a window, the smoke is blown inside.  As the frame doesn’t fit anyway, the smoke still comes in.

So there am I on the loo and I look at the window.  On the windowsill I can clearly see the backside of a girl and, only slightly blurred, I can see she is smoking a cigarette.   This tends to turn me off anyway, as did the large tattoo just above the black thong that cut dow n into her arse.  Ugh.

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After the Water Rats Ball, and breakfast with the lads, Debbie and I came home…………. and went to bed! As it happens, whilst it was good for us ‘cos we needed the sleep, we missed a visit from Justine and her daughter completely. Justine had driven a long way so I felt very guilty when I woke up. I drifted through the evening instead of getting ready for the next show so on Tuesday morning there was a mad panic as I threw everything that might be useful into the car and we set off for Milford Haven. Where is Milford Haven? Well, from our home you drive west into Wales and keep on driving. When you can’t go any further, you are there. It took 5 hours to get there but on arrival we found that the Torch Theatre was really nice with great staff and great food in the restaurant. Also at the moment they have an art exhibition that is truly fantastical and well worth a visit. The show went like a rocket, with the audience coming down right to the edge of the stage. I love that. I love being able to be in direct contact with them. After the show we got on the road and drove for an hour back towards Swansea where we spent the night. Up early the next morning and another long drive home. No time for resting; now all the Christmas presents are wrapped, the cards written and labelled, and I can’t take any credit for it all, or very little credit. ‘er indoors has worked very hard at those jobs. I wonder if she does it to make me feel guilty? Up early this morning as well because it was time for my 6 monthly visit to Dracula’s Daughter, which is my name for the nurse who does my blood and blood pressure check up. That seemed OK and no doubt they will tell me if it isn’t. I drove around to take Mam to her doctor as part of the process of getting her a couple of hearing aids. As we sat in the waiting area and she watched others coming and going, she passed the comment that there seemed to be a lot of old fogies in there. Mam, remember, is 92. Afterwards I ran her home, had a cup of tea, and I left, telling her I would see her next on Christmas morning as we go off to pantomime tomorrow. ‘Are you OK for everything?’ I asked. ‘Fine,’ she said. ‘Mustn’t grumble. You get old if you grumble.’

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I wrote the last blog in a daze and very late at night. That’s my excuse for missing out of the last blog one of the highlights of the Water Rats Ball. If you are not British you may not understand ‘toasting’ whereat glasses are raised to ‘honour’ various people in the room. One of the classice toasts is always to the ladies, and this year that was done at the end of a speech by Jess Conrad. Jess always sends himself up brilliantly in the apparent belief he is the best looking man in the room, if not the world, and then he got all the gentlemen to be upstanding and drink a toast to the ladies. King Rat had asked Debbie if she would respond on behalf of the ladies and I had come up with a gag based on Dorian Gray. Les, our friend, had taken that idea and turned it into reality so that we were able to show a picture of Jess growing old. Debbie’s speech went down a storm and she had the ‘audience’ falling about laughing with one of the highlights being the picture. My wife always surprises me at how good she is at after dinner speaking and I am sorry I forgot to mention that last night. Now I can set off for Milton Haven with an untroubled mind.

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As it turned out the venue was only 10 minutes from the hotel and I had great directions to get there.   This was not a theatre, it was a Town Hall, part modernised and I enjoyed working the place.  The audience was friendly (at the end perhaps a little too friendly) and the people I had on stage were great company.  I even did my Linking Rings with a little girl and she was fantastic.

At the end?  Well, we have a finale in this show and everyone gets to take a bow.  I  go on last and as I walked forward to take a bow I spotted a lady in the audience stand up and start to approach the stage.   In such a situation there is not a lot you can do so I acknowledged her BUT then she climbed up onto the stage.  To save embarrassment I decided to turn it into a comedy bit and hesitated before I turned and ran into the wings.   She chased me.  I ran through the dressing rooms and backstage.  She chased me.   The rest of the company were still on stage and the producer was just about to make a finishing speech when I reappeared on the opposite side of the auditorium and ran across the front of the audience….. she was still chasing me so I ran up the side of the hall …. Three of her friends joined in the chase so I ran through the middle of the audience and out into the bar area.    That’s where I stopped and had some photographs taken with them.   T he original woman got a bit raunchy during this but I thought… ‘well, when you’ve got it, flaunt it.’

Today I went to breakfast and managed to get onto broadband and dealt with outstanding emails before getting directions to Stirling.  These turned out to be easy but I drove carefully as the temperature was below freezing.

I love Stirling and found a delightful restaurant, Henderson’s, in the corner of the Albert Halls where we are going to be doing a show in about 10 minutes as I write.  Everyone is so friendly up here.   I wonder if my stalker will be here?

Nope, the stalker wasn’t there but, for the second night in a row, the magicians turned out.  Even though the Albert Halls are built like a large old Methodist Chapel, the atmosphere was still good and the show seemed to please those who turned out to watch on a freezing cold night.  It was particularly good to see old friends again and Magic Moira and her family even led me back to the motorway before I let them pull away.  I was astonished to find myself making all the right decisions once I left the motorway and drove straight back to the hotel.   The Dunkeld had a party going on and as the only place to pick up broadband was the bar, I found myself surrounded whilst I tried to work on the video that I needed for the following night.   Kids in particular, having been told I was a magician, were a bit demanding but a few20tricks made them happy and I went off to bed having decided to that I was wasting my time trying to work.  I got snuggled in and considered life’s great impoderables, like, when I was on the way home I saw a girl walking along with a very short boobtube arrangement on the top half, no sleeves, a very short skirt below a bare midriff and wearing high heels and fishnets.   At that time it was below five degrees.   How do they do that?   WHY do they do that?

Sunday morning up early, down to breakfast and finish off the video job before driving very carefully along icy roads to the airport.   It was snowing and in the park opposite the hotel people were walking their dogs, whether the dog wanted to go or not.  I particularly felt sorry for one dog I saw suffering more than most in the icy conditions.  It was a daschund.  Figure it out.

Airports are not unified in their approach to security.  Some you have take clothing off.  Some you have too start your computer.  I can see the day when we will all be put onto a conveyer belt like the luggage comes out on at the other end and we will all be scanned.  If they can combine this with the NHS and seek for health problems at the same time they can save millions.  Waiting in the lounge I noticed all those walkways that go out and connect to the planes had HUGE advertisements on the sides for the Royal Bank of Scotland.   As we all know they have been in danger of going under for weeks so I asked the staff if the walkways were secure.  They didn’t get it.   Just the night before, during the show, a man had dropped his money whilst on stage with me.  I pointed out that if he didn’t want to throw his money away in that fashion, he could always just deposit it in a bank…

No problems on the plane (I went to sleep for most of the journey) until we landed at Terminal 5 at Heathrow.   I have suffered a landing here before where they had to send to another terminal to get some steps delivered to get us off the plane.  We landed slightly early and were informed that we, and three or four other planes were in a queue waiting for the terminal management to find someone to drive the walkways the butt onto the side of the plane.   As a result we sat there looking at empty gateways that the planes were not allowed to drive up to.   I pondered upon an organisation that has known for months that these scheduled planes were going to arrive, and even if they were arriving early, or late, air traffic control had known their arrival time for ages.   It took ages to get us off, and why oh why don’t they fill up all the empty gates closest to the terminal first, instead of us having to walk for miles to the exits?

Debbie was waiting with the car and we went off to the Grosvenor on Park Lane for one of the biggest nights of the year, the Grand Order of Water Rat s Annual Ball.  It’s always a good night, and this was particularly good because my three sons were there as well as some good friends.   The night is long and of course it had hiccups, but in the main we all enjoyed ourselves and it was good to see the new King Rat was to be the actor Graham Cole from the series The Bill.   He’s a good man.

Eventually they served kippers for breakfast and we all wandered off to our beds.   I was up too early and we met up again, grabbing coffees and nibbles before the lads and their companions went off on trains and Debbie and I came home.   I intended to repack but I was so tired I will have to do that in the morning before we drive to West Wales and do a show there tomorrow night.  It’s all go.

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